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LOVE TIPS HOT
TO FALL IN LOVE NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE THINK Would
you like to fall in love? In spite of what everyone else says, do you want to
believe love is out there for you? Have you heard how all the good ones are gone,
no one wants to make a commitment these days, and everyone is married? There
are lots of negative voices that will tell you that love might exist but you will
probably never find it. Don't believe them. Here are some of the ways you can
fight off the messengers of hollow hope: *
Stay away from conversations that lead to conclusions of hopelessness. Just
because that is someone else's opinion doesn't mean it has to be yours. Look for
conversations of possibility that start with words like, "I can," and "I will." *
Resist being manipulated by the media. The
media may whisper or scream that you need to look or act in a certain way in order
to attract someone. People who are overweight, bald, past the age of 50 or more,
driving a late model car, or wearing '60s polyester suits meet and fall in love
every day. So can you. *
Pay attention to selective exposure. People
who feel and think the same way begin to believe that this collective viewpoint
is a law. If you think there is no one out there for you and you have gathered
unto yourself five or ten friends who think the same way, then you are going to
be rooted in this belief, and you will act accordingly. Make a conscious effort
to find and hang out with friends who have a belief of possibility and hope. Build
a bank of people who can resist the voices that say all the good ones are gone.
In fact, the next time you hear that phrase, stand up and be heard say, "All
the good ones can not possibly be gone I'm still here!" THE
BEST WAYS TO FIND TRUE LOVE Look
at the one right beside you It's
very common for single people to spend their time searching and searching for
the "right person." Zen suggests that we stop running around and instead see what
is right in front of our eyes.
Look at a person who is close to you in
your life right now. Whether this is a friend, a potential mate or more, notice
the ways in which you push him away. Stop doing that. Just allow the two of you
to be together in whatever way you are. Accept everything about your relationship
as it is.
Do the same thing tomorrow with someone else. This doesn't
mean that you have to consider marrying every person who crosses your path. It's
just an exercise to see how commonly you might dismiss people who are already
in your world because you're busy waiting for the "right one" to appear. But the
more "right" you can be with everyone, the more you can open up to the very real
possibilities of the present.
Stop
playing around with love So
many singles complain that they are not loved. The reason for this can be quite
simple. They are so busy playing games that potential partners never get to know
who they really are.
What roles or games do you play in relationships?
What roles do you expect others to assume? Chances are, you follow a pretty clear
pattern, but the question is: Are you falling in love with the person, or with
the role that he plays? If you're not sure about your roles, turn them around
for a little while. Try playing different roles. Experiment with someone who plays
roles that you are not accustomed to. Notice how that feels.
The goal
is to become aware of the difference between who you are and the roles you play.
Eventually you'll be able to let the roles go and simply be who you are -- which
is a Zen-like state of being. Who you are is always lovable and beautiful. It's
the roles that get in the way.
Let
partners come and go One
major obstacle in living a life of love is the tendency to hold on. We grasp and
cling to each other, preventing the freedom of love from rising on its own. Zen
asks us to let go.
When someone comes into your life, let him come. Welcome
the person, whoever he is. Enjoy what it is he brings, even if it's only for a
short time.
When it is time for a person to go away, let him go. Do not
turn the person's leaving into an experience of rejection, loss or abandonment.
Realize that his leaving has nothing to do with you. It is simply time for him
to go.
Do this with yourself as well. Let yourself come and go freely
in life, and don't get caught in unnecessary chains. The more you free yourself
and others, the more easily you fall in love.
Put
your baggage down Many
feel that love is not possible unless all their demands are met. However, these
same people are repeatedly amazed when they find that these demands don't lead
to happiness. Instead, the demands are just obstacles to falling in love.
What are your "must haves" for relationships? If you're not sure, write out
the list and take a good look at it. Realize that this is baggage that may be
keeping all kinds of people and possibilities away. This baggage may also make
you fearful, rigid and closed off to what is available for you right now. Zen
asks us to break free of old demands.
Try letting one of these demands
subside for just one day. Notice how you feel without it. (Remember, you can always
take it back again.) Then try it another day. As you do this many times, you may
find that things you thought were crucial for your life were really getting in
the way. The more you do this, the more light and happy you will feel. Plus, this
openness allows all kinds of new people, possibilities and situations to start
coming your way. You will have made room for them by putting your baggage down.
Give
gifts Giving
and receiving are at the core of every relationship. When we are in love, this
is never a problem. We naturally give and are happy with whatever is offered in
return. If you want to open up to falling in love, adopt this state of mind and
start giving naturally.
What gifts do you give others in relationships?
What do you hope to receive in return? Now take a moment to consider what else
you can give someone. Then give it. Do this every day. Each day, give something
else. It does not have to be fancy or expensive -- or even a material object --
just something that will add to his or her day. Then do this with all kinds of
different people. Zen is about doing this kind of thing quietly without great
fanfare and without expecting something in return.
Do this with yourself
as well. Take a moment to find out what kind of gift you would like. Simple examples
are taking a walk in the park, buying a new lipstick or spending time with someone
you care for. Now give yourself a gift each day.
Although this exercise
is simple, it is extremely powerful. Doing this daily can turn everything around
in your relationships. When you give, remember not to look for anything in return
(not even a smile or thank you). Just give to give, with no expectations, no demands.
By living with this open, generous mind, all kinds of other gifts come to you
naturally.
Make
friends with yourself Many
people say they are lonely, even when they have a partner at their side. This
is simply because they have not yet made friends with themselves. According to
Zen, once you come to terms with yourself and appreciate who you are on a personal
level, it is impossible to be lonely anymore.
Make friends with yourself.
Spend time noticing who you are. Accept all parts of yourself. Stop judging and
rejecting what is going on inside. Be still and look within.
Start with
this exercise. Pay attention to your breath and just notice what is going on.
Let it be. Accept it, and return to the breathing. Understand that, breath by
breath, underneath the clamor, you are perfect just as you are. Can you choose
to be this natural self in relationships? Can you choose to have relationships
with those who want and appreciate just what you are? Making positive changes
in your life -- and your relationships -- can start with something as simple as
taking off your shoes. | 
